The Evil I

Does the “evil eye” come our way when the “evil I” comes out to play? We’ve all been its recipient. As children, we stayed too long at a friend’s house and disobeyed a parent’s expectation that we be home before dark. As teens, we defied the speed limit as we raced friends down an off-the-beaten-path country road believing there were no officers on patrol. As young adults, we intended to be faithful in a committed relationship but the tug of attraction to another was too strong. Get the picture?

Um, got that memory in mind? We humans are just that: human. This is not new news for anyone. We strive but we stumble. We excel but we explode. We are victorious but we veer off course. It’s life. It’s human life. It’s human life lived among others of our kind, and others of our kind can prove difficult for us. Even the best of us, the most virtuous among us, the kindest and most gracious of us struggle with an evil I. The ego. In and of itself, it is not wicked. In fact, it is essential. But it has enormous potential to venture to the “dark side” of humanity and absorb some of the vile venom to be found there.

A Google search reveals this information from the Cleveland Clinic website: Your ego is the part of your personality that helps you stay grounded, make wise choices and manage emotions. When it’s in balance, you feel confident and in control. But if things feel off, like being overly self-critical or reactive, your ego might need support. The ego is the part of your personality that helps you make practical, rational decisions. It acts as a middle ground, balancing your instincts and desires (the id) with your morals and conscience (the superego). We could think about the ego as that murky middle ground between the beast and the priest in us. In religious language, it’s the playing field on which the sinner and the saint do battle for control.

Most of us keep our evil I in a fairly tight straitjacket. And yet, there are moments when something or someone triggers the restrained id, the buckles snap, and the beast within comes out to play. It happens despite our strongest hopes and our best intentions. And it’s often not one bit pretty when it does. But if the evil I cannot be closed off and locked away, how are we to live with it? Is it possible to love and embrace those instincts and desires in us that do serve a positive purpose in a whole and healthy self? Ah, the hum of the human heart is a complex composition indeed.