Being Seen, Being Known

There’s a difference, isn’t there? Think for a moment about what others see of you. We cannot control how people interpret what they see of us, but we can manage how much others have opportunity to see of us. And based on what other people see of us, they may or may not believe that they know us. It’s a curious facet of human life, isn’t it?

We all know people who “keep their cards close to their chest,” an expression borrowed from poker. Maybe you are one of those people. Guarded. Private. Reticent. Restrained. There are plenty of words to describe those of us who prefer not to reveal too much of ourselves. Those of us who may share with a handful of close confidants, but who generally don’t tell even when asked. Those of us who choose not to let too much be seen by others. Which begs the question, does anyone really know us?

On the other hand, there are some people – and maybe you’re one of these – who “have no filter,” an expression we all understand if we’ve ever been in proximity to someone about whom it is aptly said. Whether we think kitchen strainer or furnace ductwork apparatus, we get it… and we get it full strength. TMI! we might cry. It is around these kinds of people that some of us are hesitant to inquire about their health and wellbeing. We may learn way more than we ever wanted to know. We might feel exposed to much more than we would have chosen to see.

About two decades ago, gender reveal parties became a thing. The idea caught on and gave rise to an expectation that a couple would disclose whether they were expecting a male or a female child in some clever and festive manner. Props for such events propagated and themes multiplied alongside them. While some held out for the surprise at birth, many expectant parents succumbed to the craze. Sight unseen, they could still know something about the tiny human they were preparing for.

The balance between how much to reveal and how much to keep secret is and will likely always be one of the slipperiest slopes we navigate while we walk about this good earth. Famous people in the news and tabloids aren’t the only ones who struggle with being seen and presumed to be known. We all do. Even giving another person the gift of one’s name grants that person a measure of control over us. With how much more will we trust them? Perhaps that’s the deepest issue in being seen and being known. Do we trust?