“May I give you a hug?” a third grader asked recently. What a kind and thoughtful question! Personally, I cannot imagine not wanting to receive a hug from a sweet child! Now, an older, less trustworthy, less familiar to me person, yes, I can certainly imagine being less receptive to being embraced, especially without “permission.” Curious, isn’t it, how we sometimes question the motives of others who want to give to us?
My experience of serving churches over the years has led me to believe that the kindness and generosity of others sadly might not always be welcome. How many old pianos end up lodged in a musty corner of an unused room in a church basement because some kind soul believed it would be a good idea to give to the organization Aunt Susie dearly loved while alive? And wouldn’t Uncle Fred’s beloved sofa be a wonderful addition to the parlor despite its many years of enduring his cigar smoking habit?
The officers of one church created a policy and procedure which required would-be donors to obtain permission before giving such gifts to the church. It was a bit cumbersome, but it helped with space management! The practice also enabled the faithful to avoid a financial landmine when someone in the community wanted to give the church an abandoned house. In these kinds of situations, asking permission before giving can be an essential practice.
But a hug? Again, sadly in our world pocked with predators, physical embrace is not always welcome. So, is there anything in our human experience that would always be appreciated even without asking permission to give it?
One gift that comes to mind is one that is not always easy to give. It might not be within our capacity to give because it’s not something we can manufacture. But it could certainly make a world of difference as we walk about this planet connected to others of our kind. It is the gift of forgiveness. Probably never do we hear the words “May I offer you grace today for how you treated me yesterday?” We have somehow come to think that our forgiveness must be sought out from the one who has harmed us. Could it be that the gift is best given without asking?
A popular version of forgiveness is the one offered with a sturdy string attached: “I forgive you, but I’ll never forget what you did to me!” Is that genuine forgiveness? Does that kind of attitude change anything or anyone? Change is an automatic result of the authentic practice of giving and receiving forgiveness. So, why is it not offered more freely with or without asking?
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