Living Out of Whack

We receive a Christmas card or a birthday gift from someone who appreciates us. That person wasn’t on our Christmas card list or on our birthday gift-giving list. Do we feel compelled to add the name to our ever-expanding lists? Do we feel that we need to keep the “score” even, the personal engagement equation balanced? We’re flattered, of course, but maybe more than a little uncomfortable. Do we feel as if life is out of whack?

Parents sometimes try to keep their generosity with children as equal as possible, tallying the cost of gifts or evening out the number of them. Aging parents attempt to dole out their assets to heirs as equally as possible, unless there has been an irreparable rift in the relationship. No one likes to feel that one sibling is favored over others. Is it realistic to think that we can keep life from getting out of whack?

It is a curious aspect of being human that we sometimes have difficulty accepting kindness or assistance or generosity or love. A team of friends helps with a project of ours for several hours and we stammer something about never being able to repay them. A neighbor shows up at our door with a homecooked meal even though we haven’t been sick or in the hospital and our minds race with thoughts that we won’t be able to return the kindness in equal measure. A partner treats us to an extravagant dinner on our birthday and we wonder how we can even up the score later in the year. Is it possible to find a bit of grace or a drop of peace while living a life that feels out of whack?

Of course, the sense of life being out of whack can swing in the opposite direction. Hardships come to us all, but some of us feel that pain and suffering are too-frequent intruders in our lives. When a coworker chews us out in the breakroom for no good reason, we may find ourselves wanting to respond in kind to even up the score. Road rage is often driven by a tit-for-tat attitude as one motorist pulls in front of another who has just done the same thing. An ominous medical diagnosis often elicits a “Why me?” from people who are otherwise stouthearted. Life is many things, but fair is not one of them because living is often out of whack.

We may know people who have accepted the lopsidedness of living out of whack and figured out how to make the best of it. We might be one of those people. Can it be taught or caught? Don’t we wish!