The expression has been around for centuries. The saying describes a common human experience which isn’t the least bit pleasant… to get one’s nose out of joint. To have one’s feelings hurt or one’s well-laid plans go awry. To be upset with or jealous of another person. Sound familiar?
Perhaps you’ve known the physical pain of having a dislocated shoulder or a sprained ankle. Perhaps you’re well acquainted with the discomfort of arthritis or of a slipped disc in your back. When something is out of whack, out of its proper place, it can make life miserable. And, of course, life is not just physical; the same may be said of emotional pain or social discomfort or spiritual dislocation. Hence, the apt expression of getting our nose out of joint.
So many factors can contribute to the experience. Two biggies are the cousins, comparison and competition. When we place ourselves alongside another person, evaluate our life in the light of what we perceive about that person’s life, and feel that we come up short, we won’t have pleasant feelings about ourselves or that other person. In her book, Atlas of the Heart, research professor Brené Brown defines comparison with these words, “Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other – it’s trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out. Comparison says, ‘Be like everyone else but better.’”
Brown reports that we may not be aware that we are comparing ourselves to others. We may think we admire someone – which is lovely if that’s all it is – but when we slide into longing that we had that person’s abilities or resources or lifestyle or looks, well, that’s not so lovely. We might secretly be in competition with that person, striving at some unacknowledged level to become better than him or her all the while disregarding and discounting the marvelous human being we have been created to be. And not a one of us is particularly attractive when our nose is out of joint.
As we live in the vast web of relationships we spin as the earth rotates around the sun, we may discover that collaborating and cooperating are more helpful than comparison and competition. Even when others don’t do a task or navigate a situation as we might, it is better to celebrate that person’s efforts instead of criticizing them. If we become aware of the discomfort of something out of joint or the pain of dislocation, we might want to find a mirror and check our nose for alignment and pause to ponder whether comparison and competition have been our problematic companions.
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