The Lopsided Life

A friend calls late in the evening and out of the blue. That’s irritating enough but then the friend asks for a huge favor for the very next day. You want to say no but in your heart of hearts you are aware that this person doesn’t have many friends to call on for help (and is it any wonder?) so you find yourself agreeing to provide the assistance requested. The next morning you get up with a chip on your shoulder and resentment bubbling in your heart. You know you won’t be repaid for your time, energy, and resources expended on this person and this person may not even say thank you. This isn’t the first time this has happened.

Multiply this scenario by a certain number of people and by repeated occasions and the resentment mushrooms. You feel like you’re living a lopsided life. You do for others but seldom does anyone do for you. In your better moments you recognize that you don’t struggle the way some people do or that you don’t face the challenges others do and you’re thankful. Mostly. Still, is it too much to ask for a little kindness and gratitude to come your way?

We might feel as though we are living lopsided lives but resentment about it crops up only if we are keeping score. We know we shouldn’t but we do it anyway. We’re aware that we were never given a piece of paper guaranteeing that all things would work out evenly, all efforts would be balanced, all relationships would be marvelously equal. And in our better moments we’re certain it’s ludicrous to think that such an offer would ever be made in this messy enterprise known as human life. So on we go limping at times under the weight of a lopsided life.

It's difficult to let go of the ledger. It’s challenging to not do the math. It’s nearly impossible to unravel expectations that have knit themselves into our DNA. It’s hard work to suppress the impulse to compare our lives to the lives of others which don’t appear to be as lopsided as ours. So on we go harboring a secret hope that the resentment won’t bubble up and over and out of our hearts and into our mouths.

Relationships are costly. That’s the bottom line. If we’re looking for perfectly balanced equations walking around wearing flesh and blood, we might need a refresher course in the calculus of compassion splattered across the ledger of love kept by the Author of the lopsided life. Truly, it's the only one worth living.